Today November 2nd, and the world is still changing

1.) BREAKING NEWS: Zachary German single-handedly rights the economy by purchasing $27.86 on assorted foodstuffs, including bagels and cream cheese.

2.) Polls show Democratic Ticket nears nomination.

3.) Important-Ass-News learns that HTML GIANT is not REAL GIANT! Real Giant community demands Gene Morgan's bones to make their bread.

4.) Feud between The Golden Bear and TTB reaches epic proportions.

5.) This just in, Jereme Dean dresses up like attractive woman for Halloween. Important-Ass-News resident sketch artist gives us this.

6.) Blake Butler writes novel, edits 15 literary journals, updates blog daily, and still manages to find time to walk his dog. Is Blake Butler a phenomenal multitasker, or is he really this man?

7.) Sam Pink's REAL true identity revealed.

8.) Rock Group O.A.R. reaches number 44 on the Billboard singles chart, and reminds you to "always turn the car around".

9.) In entertainment news, local blogospherean Ken "Kenny" Baumann starred in "The Secret Life of the American Teenager" on ABC Family. Important-Ass-News requests autographed headshots.

10.) Noah Cicero releases Nosferatu. Lemon stocks inexplicably skyrocket.

11.) Important-Ass-News determines that Matthew DeBenedictis is sole reader of this publication.

12.) Tao Lin takes part in a literary deathmatch. Important-ass-news bets house on this kid.

13.) And Finally to conclude our broadcast, Daryl The Blacksmith takes a break from working so hard, and uses his lunch hour to respond to allegations made several weeks ago by Zachary German.