Sunday, November Sixteen And The World Manages to Both Hope and Change.

1.) Breaking News: Yup.

2.) Of Postmodernism, Negligence, Frenchmen, and American Eagle Apparel.

3.)  Important Ass News now reveals Sam Pink's real, real identity.  

4.) We'll miss you, TRL.

5.) In business news, Multinational Corporate Publishing Company and media giant,  Muumuu House continue to annihilate all competitors in their quest for market dominance.  Most recently, executives at Muumuu absconded with Brandon Scott Gorrell's first full length novel; the rights of which were previously promised to local, organic, mom 'n' pop publishing company, Greying Ghost Press.   Important Ass News is there, with man on the street reactions.

6.) This next headline is sponsored by Tao Lin.  Free shipping.

7.) This just in, Connecticut local Frank Wheeler selected to play Leonardo DiCaprio in the upcoming Spielberg biopic, My Heart Will Go On.

8.) Breaking news, Important Ass News sources confirm that Zachary German, in fact,  eats.  

THE MOST IMPORTANT ASS NEWS STORY OF THE DAY

ERIC MONTROSS IS FIRED!

ERIC MONTROSS IS FIRED!

Details forthcoming.

9.) See where it all began here.  And continued here

10.) This just in Jimmy Chen and Tyra Banks are great friends. Who knew.

11.) I knew I never trusted Blake Butler. Now I have a reason why.

12.) Rain Fade

13.) This just in: The Industry may have yet ANOTHER true father.

14.) Bradley Sands favorite TV show ever!

15.) And Finally, to conclude our broadcast, this highly reputable new journal/group is accepting applications now. We here at Important Ass News highly recommend that you check this one out. It holds a lot of potential for people who have been having trouble finding places that will publish their shitty, half-ass writing. 

This concludes our transmission.  Goodnight and Good luck 

Today November 2nd, and the world is still changing

1.) BREAKING NEWS: Zachary German single-handedly rights the economy by purchasing $27.86 on assorted foodstuffs, including bagels and cream cheese.

2.) Polls show Democratic Ticket nears nomination.

3.) Important-Ass-News learns that HTML GIANT is not REAL GIANT! Real Giant community demands Gene Morgan's bones to make their bread.

4.) Feud between The Golden Bear and TTB reaches epic proportions.

5.) This just in, Jereme Dean dresses up like attractive woman for Halloween. Important-Ass-News resident sketch artist gives us this.

6.) Blake Butler writes novel, edits 15 literary journals, updates blog daily, and still manages to find time to walk his dog. Is Blake Butler a phenomenal multitasker, or is he really this man?

7.) Sam Pink's REAL true identity revealed.

8.) Rock Group O.A.R. reaches number 44 on the Billboard singles chart, and reminds you to "always turn the car around".

9.) In entertainment news, local blogospherean Ken "Kenny" Baumann starred in "The Secret Life of the American Teenager" on ABC Family. Important-Ass-News requests autographed headshots.

10.) Noah Cicero releases Nosferatu. Lemon stocks inexplicably skyrocket.

11.) Important-Ass-News determines that Matthew DeBenedictis is sole reader of this publication.

12.) Tao Lin takes part in a literary deathmatch. Important-ass-news bets house on this kid.

13.) And Finally to conclude our broadcast, Daryl The Blacksmith takes a break from working so hard, and uses his lunch hour to respond to allegations made several weeks ago by Zachary German.